What's in the Middle?

What happens for you when something doesn’t go well? Maybe it’s a presentation, an interview or a team meeting.

Your mood may drop to being frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed.

What do you do with that?

This is where the middle ground comes in handy. The middle ground is the space of curiosity.

If you think of moods like waves, and down at the bottom is fear, worry, anger, sadness, disappointment, overwhelm, to name a few.

At the peak of the wave is joy, peace, gratitude, creativity, aliveness, openness, presence, etc.

When you respond to a situation or event with a lower mood, you don’t have to force yourself to jump to the top of the wave. No need to instantly be like, oh I have to be positive and totally change now, I have shit to get done or people expect me to be happy!  

Think of a surfer, riding the wave. Ride up a bit into curiosity. This allows for openness, like a space for a new mood, a step up out of the mood that brings you down. Notice your feeling and your reaction. Noticing gives you the ability to step away a bit from an intense mood.  

You can do this by simply pausing and breathing for a moment.  Seriously, it's that easy!  It doesn't have to be hard.  I know, our brains often like to complicate things, and we are conditioned to believe it's very hard work to feel better.  

Life gives up plenty of challenges... 

The next time you feel stuck in your emotions, ask yourself,  what if it were easy? 

Please let me know if you try this - I'd like to hear how it goes. 

Here's to keeping life light and easy, 

Ellie

And...

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1. Uncramp your Leadership Style. A four month 1:1/microgroup hybrid for driven women with a track record of success, expanding their leadership and putting the kibash on thinking patterns and habits that disrupt their progress.  FALL GROUP IS FULL - EMAIL ME FOR 2023 PORGRAM


***  Unleash your Leadership Style for our next 25-40 year old cohort begins Jan. 2023

2. Use the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is a profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and a true guide with many strategies for growth. 2 spots open this fall season. 

3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 month engagements. 

4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term, a space to work out your next big life shift. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some quick, easy tips click here.  You'll also receive my bi-weekly newsletter with ideas for creating success from the inside out. 

New Seminar: Bold and Compassionate Leadership

Hello readers!

I'm excited to be teaming up with two powerhouses, not to mention amazing humans, for this: 

BOLD & COMPASSIONATE LEADERSHIP: A SEMINAR FOR WOMEN LEADERS MAKING AN IMPACT

Aug. 25th 1:00-2:00 EST ( 10:00amPST)

For business owners, executive directors, board directors, and entrepreneurs.

In this 60-minute seminar, you will learn from three master coaches how to enhance your visibility, power, and influence.

Each presenter will share a cutting edge methodology designed to expand your self-leadership as well as exercises which allow you to actively and consistently shift your thinking, language, and somatics to achieve more effective results.

Meet Our Three Presenters:

Ellie Lane, Ellie Lane Coaching                                                 

Email: coachellielane@gmail.com

Jeanne Demers, Realize What Matters                                                     
Email: jeanne@realizewhatmatters.com

Rebecca Reynolds Moore, In A Nutshell Consulting 
Email: rebecca@inanutshellconsulting.com

Now, more than ever, it’s time to change old ways of leading.

We are committed to altering the future of strong leadership for women. We believe creating three vital shift leads to bold yet compassionate leadership.

This is unlike other leadership seminars.

We will shake up your current thinking, share new perspectives and participants will leave with tangible actions to implement immediately.

Click on the button below to register. Cost is $50.

JOIN US!! 

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a complimentary coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

What's it gonna take?

Have you ever had GREAT intentions to do something, but you just never did the darn thing?

Been there. 

An intention is an idea, a thought, New Year's resolution, a dream, a plan.


 A commitment is an action.

If you take a look at your calendar, you’ll see what you are actually committed to.

My colleague asked me recently, what are you committed to?  

Ouch, I KNOW, it's hard to face the music. 

  

How about not making a whole long list of intentions.  Instead, look at, what am I actually committed to?

A short, highly committed few valuable goals and important people.  What is a YES, I'm all in?  

Maybe's are a psychic drain, aren't they? 

Be honest with yourself. Then take one small step towards the thing you want to create.

When you make an appointment with yourself to do the thing you intend to do, notice how it feels to follow through and stay committed.

                                       Feels soooooo good!

If you are ready to commit to your self leadership and therefore your leadership at work and in life, read on.

Building self-awareness, communication skills, the ability to stay on your path, emotional intelligence, courage, and boundaries are all part of what we'll cover in:  UNCRAMP your LEADERSHIP STYLE

We begin in September. This is a 4 month 1:1/micro group hybrid( 3 people) where you'll receive powerful individual coaching, and space to build the work and life where your true inner power shines.

Reach out if this interests you:  coachellielane@gmail.com

With love,

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a complimentary coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

Don't take this personally, but...

If you’ve been reading my newsletters for a while, you know that my business tagline, which I created over 20 years ago, is Creating Success from the Inside Out, because that’s what I believe in and it’s exactly what we do in coaching. 

When we build the muscle of noticing, without judgement, our distorted tangled web of thoughts weaved by the mind, we can build new thought and feeling patterns, choose new actions, AND we are off and running!

From what I've seen in 3 decades in the personal growth arena, anything is possible, you just gotta stay in the game and give time and attention to your commitments. 

YOU are worth investing in.

Why not do it purposefully?

One way to do it purposefully is to stop taking things personally.  A look, a reaction, no response, a no.  Other people’s issues and reactions are typically not about you.

Sounds like middle school, yet it's human. 

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz brilliantly says, “Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you.”

I’m coaching a client who had anxiety in social settings, with lots of thoughts about what people must think of her, her thoughts made her feel awkward and nervous, which led to tons of avoidance. Through coaching, she was able to step back and see how her thoughts were only thoughts, not facts, and she could then create a calm, clear perspective and stop avoiding life. 

After more than 10 years of feeling this way, she’s putting in the work to first notice the old train of thought, take responsibility for it happening inside of her, not because of something outside of her, choose others ways to see the situations and see herself, then practice showing up for herself even when it feels awkward or uncomfortable. 

Do you take things personally that have nothing to do with you?  


It could be time to let that go.  

Here's to being lighter,

Ellie

And...

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1. Uncramp your Leadership Style. A four month 1:1/microgroup hybrid for driven women with a track record of success, expanding their leadership and putting the kibash on thinking patterns and habits that disrupt their progress.  2 spots available. Begins September.

2. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is a profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and a true guide with many strategies for growth.

3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 month engagements. 

4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

Becoming an Empowered Leader

EWL is here and I’m excited! Empowered Women Leaders is a program for those who are ready to be more impactful leaders.

You ARE a leader of your business, your kids, at work and always of yourself. And all change occurs from the inside out. If you want to advance your success, read on…

Do you believe success begins with strong self-leadership?

If so, read on…

🔥Powerful communication

🔥Re-wired thinking

🔥Masterful EQ Skills

🔥Peacefully, easily managed energy

🔥Clear & firm boundaries

🔥Radical self-compassion

🔥Step by step courage building

🔥and more…

When women excel at these skills and ways of being, expansion and joy are highly likely. 💪

I’ve seen it over and over in my coaching practice…and I named my practice with the subtitle, creating success from the inside out because that's what I believe - your next level of success, as defined by you, begins on the inside.

Every relationship, your business growth, and promotion is hugely influenced by how you lead yourself each day.

Listen, transformational coaching is NOT for the faint of heart.

This program is NOT for you if you intend to cram in the sessions with no reflection or action time in between.

It’s NOT for you if you won’t commit to action. Insight without action is navel gazing, and what we want here in EWL is Growth! Power! Influence!

EWL may be for you if:

~ You know that change in your business, relationships, heck the world, requires internal work.

~ You want to make more money ( who doesn’t !?!?) and know that when courage, energy and commitment are in place, you can soar!

~ You read the list above and said YES, I’m ready to dive in.

~ You believe that the more you grow, and show up for yourself aligned with who you truly are, the greater impact you’ll have on others. And that matters deeply to you.

~ You’ve already seen that leadership at work begins with self-leadership - you’re eager to take yours to the next level.

Applications by conversation only. These are small groups, with a goal setting meeting before we even begin and 1:1 coaching allowing for optimal sustained growth.

Small groups, bi-weekly on zoom, Sept. - Dec. 

Curious? Contact me at ellielanecoaching@gmail.com to have a conversation about how this may be just what you need to grow the way you want to.

With love,

Ellie

P.S.

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 other ways to work with me:

1. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is an incredible, profound tool for understanding how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth.

2. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 months.

3. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

4. VIP days. Don’t want long term coaching right now? Schedule 2 extended sessions to brainstorm, problem solve, plan, schedule. Carve out personal time to get ideas, feedback, have a sounding board.

Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

If you have received my confidence guide and could use some quick, easy tips click here.

Thoughts are Only Thoughts

We can't control all of our thoughts, but we can manage the direction of our thoughts.

Once we recognize that we are not our thoughts, that they come when they come, and there are many of them - some research says many tens of thousands a day - we can learn to be unattached, and our confidence no longer depends on what we think.

What a relief, isn’t it?

Let this sink in for a moment. What if  your confidence did not depend on what you think?  What if you could hear and just notice thoughts?

Will you try it?  Practice being unattached.  Be an observer, with awareness, without judgement. Step back and be a little curious.

It is only when we attach meaning to events with our thoughts that our reality is created. You aren't stuck with any certain meaning…even if you've had an old tape running for decades.  It's changeable. 

Let’s say I make a mistake at work. My thought is something like, “What an idiot. Why would I screw that up?"

Or my thought is, “I made a mistake. That's not what I intended.”

Aren’t I likely to feel quite different?  Isn’t the former likely to negatively affect my confidence?  Of course, Ellie, you say. 

And guess what – most of us do this many, many times a day to ourselves - How mean!  So while this may not be news to you, very few people actually take a hold of where their focus goes. 

So, watch your own mind!  And you may not want to go in there alone.  

Building this mental muscle of observation without judgement takes lots of practice.  Managing your mind is the foundation for success. You can have all the systems, marketing, goals, planning, etc… but if you aren’t running the show of your mind, you won’t happily and easily get to where you are meant to be.

Want help building your mental muscles?  Whether I'm working with a business owner or a leader within a company,  work on the mind is always a foundation piece of deep change.  Book a consult below. 

P.S.

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1. Bold New Boundaries, 2.0. This master level program will start this Spring. Please contact me for details or to apply.

2. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is an incredible, profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth.

3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 months.

4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some quick, easy tips click here.

Are You In?

Looking in the proverbial mirror, I asked myself recently: 

Am I in? 

After all, I’m aware that true, deep lasting growth means waking the f*ck up and facing the music.

And I am in, for life.  I know this because to me, lifelong growth is the only way.  It never stops.  Because why would it? It’s where the fun is!

So there I was, seeing my own thoughts getting in my way. After ALL this time, I thought, seriously… again?!?                                             

 Like some kinda knock, knock joke.   Knock, knock… who’s there? Hi, it's your thoughts…  And we'll keep knocking until you notice and send some love our way.

Often with thoughts and feelings, the saying, what we resist persists, is very true. 

I’m IN for this game of growth - if I can’t do it for myself, how the heck can I do it with my clients?

Besides, the mind is a curious, fascinating space - it plays all sorts of tricks and Tom foolery and when we look at it, we can have influence over it. 

 

What about you? 

When clients don’t show up for themselves by wanting to meet once a month or less often,

By dancing around real issues, using distractions, or talking about other people,

Trying to fool themselves with a happy face.

Unwilling or not open to seeing that it’s always their own thinking that creates their world,

My job as a coach is to call them out. To see what they don’t see.

So, are you in? 

What could be possible for you if you have the courage, audacity, openness to look in the mirror?


Wishing you power,

Ellie

P.S.

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1. Bold New Boundaries, 2.0. This master level program will start this Spring. Please contact me for details or to apply.

2. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is an incredible, profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth.

3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3- 12 months.

4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

Interested in any of the above, email me: ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some
quick, easy tips click here.

Courage Builders: Want to Play BIG?

 
 

Ok women – and fabulous men and all people who are on my email list – we have come a long way, but there is SO much more work to do.

Courage is needed, not confidence, to brave unknown territory or murky waters.  The willingness to test, not know, is needed.  One tiny step at a time.  

What have you been longing to do, but you haven't mustered up the bravery yet?  

There are many ways to build courage, here are a few.

But here’s the thing:  You must do it.   Not just read this.   Commit to action.

Commit to 100 days of action and see what happens. 

100 days, no can do?  Commit to 30 days.  Start. 

Don’t pre-judge the results – Instead, show up, open and willing.

  1. Use a sticky note each time you commit an act of courage. Post it up.  Simple visuals do help.

  2. A friend who finds sales and propecting in his business scary has a brave jar and writes each brave act on a paper to fill the jar. 

  3. Do 1 thing every day that scares you. Eleanor Roosevelt was onto something here.  You don't have to be terrified to build your courage muscle, only uncomfortable enough that you've pushed yourself. 

  4. Find opportunity to set a boundary. It takes courage for many of us to say no, to effectively tell someone how we feel about how they speak to us, to put our self-regard above others. 

  5. Ask for something you want or need.  Being independent, capable, self-sufficient does not have to mean rejecting help or neglecting to get your needs met.  

  6. When someone tells you you're awesome, say, "I know!"  Ha, don't most women ( not all ) need more bravado and less humility?!  At least say, "thank you."  Period.

If we don’t take responsibility for practicing the courageous steps, what can we expect to happen?

To your courage,

Ellie

P.S.

Whenever you are ready to take your personal growth and professional success to another level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1.  Bold New Boundaries, 2.0. This master level program will start this Spring.

2. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is an incredible tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth.

3.  1:1 coaching. Tailored plans and time frames, depending on individual needs/goals. 3- 12 months.

4.  Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

If you are interested in the above, please email me at ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some quick,
easy tips click here.

The Fastest Way to Give Up Power...

“The fastest way to give up power is to think we don’t have any.” -Alice Walker

We have power to run our own lives, to choose how to respond, how to act. 

Power is first of all, knowing who you are, what you want, what you are good at, and expressing it unapologetically in the world.

Do any of the following thoughts ring a bell?

  • How can I be “good enough” at home and work?

  • Isn’t it selfish to ask, what do I want?

  • I won’t speak up first in a meeting. (And the men often do.)

  • I don’t know how, or if, I should ask for a raise?

  • I'm all over the place, unfocused, don't know what I want...

So what do we do with this concept of power and how do we get it back? 

It’s simple.  Ready? 

Here it is:

First, remember that the potential is already within you. 

Second, take time, create space in your busy life and figure out:

  1. Who you are ( what do you value most, how do you want to be, not just what you want to do, and for goodness sake, stop defining yourself by old conditioned beliefs that simple are not true)

  2. What you want

  3. What your greatest strengths are

Then go express all of you unapologetically in the world!

Psst… Don’t forget this last part… if you don't do it, people don't receive the gifts you have to offer. 

Remember, if you're growing and stretching, failure is inevitable.

To your power,

Ellie

P.S.

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to another level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1. Bold New Boundaries, 2.0. This master level program will start this Spring. Please contact me for details or to apply.

2. Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client. The Enneagram is an incredible tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth.

3. 1:1 coaching. Tailored plans and time frames, depending on individual needs/goals. 3- 12 months.

4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? You want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short term. Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you.

If you are interested in the above, please email me at ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

To speak with me about 1:1 coaching, click on the button below:

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some quick, easy tips click here.

All it Takes is One Small Shift...

 
 

In Donna and Lynn Brooks' book Seven Secrets of Successful Women, they describe performance, perseverance, practice, and patience as key features of any success strategy.  

No surprise, right? 

Which of these four do you want to put attention on right now? 

Remember, when I talk about success, I believe it's created from the inside out and you create your meaning of success. 

Here are few ways to create success from the inside out { hey, that's a good tagline for a coaching practice } that I've found pretty darn useful for myself and my clients.

Hope they help you, too.

Which of these ideas could you use, while applying the four P's, to make one small shift heading in the direction you want to go? 

1. Become more visible and offer your knowledge

  • It’s not ego based, it’s serving, if you are helping others.  If you have fear - public speaking, online lives, etc... - you know the drill, change is through the doing.  It's WAY worse in our minds. 

2. Be present

  • Your genuine and full presence is a gift in your professional and personal life.

3. Clarify and use your top strengths

  • What are your top 3-5 strengths that serve you best in life or in work?  There are many good assessments to learn about yourself: StrengthsFinder, 360, Enneagram, HBDI are a few of them. 

4. Focus

  • Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should do it. Multi-tasking, while it feels productive, is less efficient. And most importantly, your worth is not based on your finished TO DO list.

5. Strive for excellence, not perfection

  • There is no such thing as perfection. The most successful people know they will fail at times.  Go for progress, growth, drop the perfection trap. 

6. Claim your personal power

  • Power is about having responsibility for the direction of your life. Denying your power erodes self-confidence and can create depression, stress, or anxiety. 

7. Stop apologizing

  • There is an entire book by Rachel Hollis on this topic. Women are notorious for apologizing too much.

8. Master self-care

  • Absolutely critical foundation piece for life satisfaction.  You can go without for a while, but eventually you will PAY - just make time for small shifts, before you regret not doing so.

9. Become clear about why you do what you do

  • Connect deeply with what drives you, keep in touch with it, and success and fulfillment become inevitable.

10. Stop complaining.  An example made me laugh recently as I caught that I do this sometimes- wake and say, "damn, I'm still tired!"  Starting the day with a complaint- not good mojo.  Accepting what IS in any moment may be the single most powerful path to inner peace and joy, and of course that frees up your energy, which then leads to external success, with ease. 

And here is a BONUS step, couldn't leave this out -

11. Mobilize a support system 

  • Every successful woman I know has a mentor, coach, women’s group or a strong network of people, even if just a few, who has her back.  I love that young women know this these days - in my 20's, I did not realize the immense value here. 

Ok, none of this is rocket science, guys.  It's the doing it consistently and persistently, oh and with patience towards yourself, that is the key. 

Many of my clients are creative visionary types, and like me, can want to do all 11!  Do yourself a favor, start with 1 or 2.  Make it doable & manageable, not a race.  No badge of honor for tackling it all. 

Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to another level, here are 4 ways to work with me:

1.  Bold New Boundaries, 2.0.  This master level program will start this Spring.  Please contact me for details or to apply.  

2.  Apply the Enneagram as your personal development map.  I'm now offering stand alone sessions even if you aren't a client.  The Enneagram is an incredible tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and it offers many strategies for growth. 

3.  1:1 coaching.  Tailored plans and time frames, depending on individual needs/goals.  3- 12 months. 

4.  Thinking partnership.  Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea?  You want to strategize, brainstorm?  This is not coaching - it's focused and short term.  Email me with thinking partnership in the subject line, and we'll talk about how this may serve you. 

If you are interested in the above, please email me at ellielanecoaching@gmail.com

To speak with me about 1:1 coaching, click on the button below:

Who Has Confidence and How Do They Get It?

Hey readers!

It felt odd writing about confidence - after all, my clients are successful, wise people, often at the top of their game. 

What I've seen though, is that even the most intelligent and successful people have self-doubts - so consider this a friendly reminder for you, for anyone and everyone, not only those who really struggle with confidence. 


Some people believe:

People either have confidence, or they don’t.                                        

You need confidence in order to... fill in the blank.                                

Confidence is hard to come by.

The truth is:

The feeling of confidence is available to everyone. 

It is an ongoing process, a practice, not a destination. 

You do not need confidence to take on challenges. 


Truth is, we are deeply affected by early life experiences { " Give me a boy until he is 7, I'll give you a man."  Aristotle }  in the area of confidence.

If those experiences are still getting in your way, it is a sign of strength to get assistance clearing out the cobwebs.  There are many ways to do this - ask me, if you want suggestions or help with this. 

And, I'm here to be the bearer of GOOD news -

True deep inner confidence is created throughout life through self-awareness, self-acknowledgement, resilience - a sense of knowing you can manage, and the certainty that you are OK, regardless of circumstances.

Confidence is not what we see on the outside. People who are more extroverted, look good, or show up wonderfully on social media give the perception of having confidence.

Don’t let the external glitz and glam fool you. It likely has absolutely nothing to do with what’s really going on inside and since we know comparison is quite detrimental to our confidence and overall wellbeing - Don't do that. 

I love it when my 20 something clients or teens tell me they've deleted Instagram.

Confidence is being at peace with who you are.

It also comes as a result of being courageous, hard work and mastery. My favorite example is a baby learning to walk – babies don’t think, oh I’m sure I can walk, so here I go! They just try, and fall, repeat. Their confidence grows as they work at it, and they are received with love. 

Think of confidence as a state of being that is available to you in any moment. It is not fixed or static, the feelings will shift, that’s human.

If you’d like ideas for practicing daily confidence strengthening, click here.

Get in touch if you'd like to see deep shifts in your confidence at work or the rest of life.  Change your thinking, change your confidence. 

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

Living Guilt Free

Here is the paradox of living guilt-free: It’s extremely difficult and so simple.

Hard because we are human.  Simple because we have a choice. 

It was a recent topic in my boundaries group - How do we, at times, place our wishes first, without guilt?

We somehow think that when our own desire is the priority in the moment, we must be completely forgetting everyone else, thinking we matter most.   As if, including our desires in OUR life is selfish or we've become some kind of narcissist. 

This is a made up story in our minds. 

I mean, it’s usually an old story, and old habits - and stories - die hard.

Don’t they?

Hmm, maybe. Maybe not.

What if you made a new decision?

A decision that considers that guilt implies doing something wrong, and that when you choose yourself, you are STILL a thoughtful, caring person who does a lot for others. And, you decide when your choices are right or wrong, not your mother or past cultural or generational messages. 

Can you feel the FREEDOM on the other side of letting guilt go?

Of fully, whole-heartedly embracing a guilt-free lifestyle?

Look, a little bit of human guilt is hard to avoid. In fact, in some situations ( dare I say the motherhood/work conundrum), it's close to impossible.  But if it plagues you, it weighs you down at every turn, continually interrupts life satisfaction, reach out and we will rewrite the old tapes.

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

Creating You, Creating 2022

 
 

Here are some powerful questions that I take my clients through.

They will create change for you, too.



For 2022:

  1. What’s one thing you want to do next year?

  2. Who do you need to be to make this happen?

  3. In what way(s) will you not splinter your attention?

  4. Who is one person that needs more of your attention?

  5. What is one way to take better care of yourself?

  6. When do you get stuck in low energy (fear, anger, worry, frustration, resentment)?

  7. What’s the action you’ll take to shift that energy?

  8. What will you heal within that will have a big impact on your relationships?

  9. Where can you set one boundary that will allow you more time, money, or freedom in the year ahead?

The single most effective way to make a change is through awareness.

It’s not only the first step, it’s often all it takes. Don’t get stuck in the trap of making things harder than they have to be.

Things are often much simpler than we think.

Give yourself space in the next two weeks ( just a few minutes!) to BRING AWARENESS to your answers.

 
 

If creating healthy, clear or firm boundaries professional or personally is at the top of your priority list, see my upcoming program here:

Ellielanecoaching.com/programs

Wishing you health, joy & light,

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

Are you a service-based business owner but you don’t serve yourself?

When you work in a service based profession it is easy to confuse service with pleasing.  After all, you are probably in a service business because you like to help people. 

If you want to succeed as a service based business, you have to think about yourself too.

Pleasing looks like:

Being available at all hours, constantly changing your schedule to accomodate others, working for free ( I don't mean some pro bono or volunteer work), the hamster wheel effect, physical symptoms of anxiety or tiredness from doing too much.                                                      

The health of the healer.  This may be the most important time in modern history to be taking this seriously. 

When there is true, whole health, the service provider ( coach, consultant, nurse, trainer, teacher, etc…) has themself in the picture.

It is not selfish to ask yourself, who do I  want to work with, or what would be fun for me?

It is not selfish to create office hours, client days, days off, time away from email. 

It is not selfish to want to help people and make good money. 

I can do anything is NOT the same thing as I should do everything. 

 Complete self-sacrifice, you know, the kind that drains and exhausts us, is not something to wear as a badge of honor.


How about if women STOP doing that? 



Being in service to yourself is a responsibility, so that you don’t choose to live a default life, or a victim’s life - Only being responsible to clients & customers and not to yourself is not compassionate or in service to them or you. 

To your health and in service to others,

Ellie

P.S. Set yourself up for amazing success by joining my Bold New Boundaries group Ellielanecoaching.com/programs in Jan. 

Plus.... 

If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it

Or

You'd like an Enneagram review, a powerful tool for your self-development,

request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

Whats LOVE Got to Do with It?

Everything!

When you are in a state of fear ( this can look like anger, worry or uncertainty) you aren’t in a higher level state of love.

When you are in a mindset of rumination or self-judgement, you can’t at the same time be experiencing self-compassion.

When we get into our hearts, and feel love & gratitude often, we literally alter our existence.

What is not to love about that?

But, HOW you say? Yeah, I know, all of you over-thinkers and logical or science kinda brains want the formula. Me too.

Here goes it:

Pause. Breathe. Think of someone you love.

Pause. Put your hand on your heart.

Observe your thoughts. You don’t have to do anything with them or about them.

Shift from your head space to your heart space.

Being open in this way allows you more chance to see what is within you.

Under the muck that clouds the way, there is love.

Pause to hold space for yourself.

Breathe.


With love,

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

Celebrate Good Times...

What about what DID go well today?

We humans so often love to notice what didn’t go well, what we didn’t get done, or what is going "wrong."

What if you took a look at what IS going well?

You may have heard the saying, what you focus on grows.

We know now that we can literally create new neural networks in the brain by focusing in certain directions, like a matted pathway heavily travelled. 

Spend lots and lots of time in worry mode? Your brain literally says, oh yeah, that’s familiar, I’ll easily take that path.

Take time often to feel into gratitude? Your brain says, ahh, I know that place, and shifts to that path more easily.

It’s just like learning anything new – a path frequently travelled is more accessible.  

The more you practice, the better you get. 


Your physical and mental health depend on where you place your energy.

So, will you take a few minutes a day to re-train your brain to focus on what IS going well?

To your power,

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no obligation.

If you haven't received my confidence guide and could use some easy tips, click here.

The Nerve for Bold New Boundaries

 
 

Parameters around how you spend your time, who you spend time with, projects you work on, and being clear in your communication, all give you a sense of internal calm and direction.  

Creating these boundaries with intention & commitment will give you freedom and joy! 

I am excited to announce the next round of a group coaching program:                                                     

The Nerve for Bold NEW Boundaries

This program is for you if:

  • You are overwhelmed by juggling too many demands

  • You are plagued by guilt when you choose yourself

  • As a mom, business owner, or executive, you are reaching burnout

  • Your energy is continually depleted from giving - doing - giving - doing

Sound familiar?

Having worked with thousands of women, I see how small but mighty shifts CAN be made, and they make a dramatic difference in how you feel, think and act. These new habits are life-altering.

During this 7 week program you will be guided through 7 modules:

1. Build the Foundation: Establish how, when, where to set new boundaries that are good for you

2. Implement your Energy Audit: Shift from being drained, overwhelmed or resentful to energized, light, and fulfilled

3. Grow Your Boundary Muscle:  You will communicate clearly, firmly and lovingly when people don't respect your boundaries

4. Enhance Your Internal Power: Become more powerful than you know saying NO

5. Give permission: You will learn how to give yourself permission to move from being placating, apologetic or over-doing to firm & clear

6. Move into Sustainable Habits: Shift from thinking & feeling selfISH to being selfFULL.

7: Write your Personal Manifesto: Create your bold NEW boundaries manifesto

Because if you want a life that's different from the one you are leading - you have to dare to reshape it.                                       

And because walking the tightrope between driving yourself and loving yourself is harder than it looks.

We are NOT taking the giver or the achiever out of you... no way... quite the opposite.  Want to learn how? 

The program begins Tuesday, September 21st 5:00pm - 6:30pm on Zoom.

 Contact me to discuss the program: coachellielane@gmail.com

If you are ready to become crystal clear about your priorities, and implement new strategies to move yourself off the back burner, register today!  

To your power,

Ellie

A Few Good Women… Lessons on Leadership

What do Abby Wambach, Jacinda Arden and Ruth Bader Ginsberg have in common?

“My mother told me to be a lady. And for that she meant, to be myself, be independent.” - RBG

“Believe in yourself. Stand up and say, give me the effing ball, give me the same pay as the guy next to me… give me the oval office and the respect I deserve.” - Abby Wamback, FIFA World Cup Champion

“I believe we can lead with compassion and strength” - Jicinda Arden, PM of New Zealand

All three women lead with who they are and what they deeply believe in.

~RBG, the second female justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, was fiercely independent, she broke through barriers, she spoke up for what she believed in. She showed us that with determination, hard work, smarts and guts, big change IS possible. 

~Abby Wambach is a perfect example of leading for your people and shows us the power of a team, group, community raising each other up. She writes passionately in her book, WOLFPACK that “the strength of the wolf is the pack, the strength of the pack is the wolf.”


~Arden has led her country through the pandemic in 2020. She is repeatedly questioned for her supposed softness, and she holds firm, that a great leader can be both compassionate and strong. 

Determination, holding firm to beliefs, and a willingness to speak out are admirable qualities in these 3 women. 

How do YOU want to show up as a leader?


Even if you are not leading in the traditional sense, you are always a leader of yourself and your life.

To your leadership,

Ellie

P.S. If you are ready to have 1:1 in-depth support for creating your next venture, building your business or creating life as YOU want it, request a coaching conversation. There is no charge and no obligation.

If you enjoyed this, please pass on to someone you feel would enjoy it, too.

Get my 10 Step Workbook for Creating Confidence here!

What Are Your Yes's Costing You?

Clear and firm boundaries is so vital to success and joy, that it's one of the top topics of conversation with clients. 

Whether it's feeling overworked, underappreciated, burdened by others' feelings, the need to feel liked...

The number of women I work with - smart, ambitious, amazing women - who genuinely feel guilt or selfishness when saying no to someone or something, and yes to themselves...

 is NOT OK! 

It's the reason why I created: 

Building Boundaries for Work & Life  A 4 week program beginning on May 12th where you will:

  • Lose the guilt

  • Set new parameters for when/how you give of yourself in ways that are in alignment for YOU 

  • Build new beliefs around the concept of selfishness

  • Effectively handle push back from people in your life


This is an interactive, supportive small group where we have your back!                                                                                                                                                                                      
This program is for you if:

  • You are often overwhelmed from juggling priorities.

  • You find yourself plagued by guilt when you choose yourself.

  • As a mom or a business owner, you are reaching burnout due to lack of boundaries around your time & energy.

  • Your energy is continually depleted from giving too much.

  • You are a loving soul - yet this part of caring for yourself -  this boundary thing - remains a mystery. 

And only if…

  • You are ready for bold insights and to move yourself off the back burner.

  • You want to learn & implement new sustainable habits.


You will have the chance to:

  • Develop clarity on when to say yes and when to say no.

  • Experience the peace & space that comes from being clear about what you want & don't want.

  • Create more energy.

  • Be yourself, not who others want you to be.

  • Receive powerful coaching and group support to create and sustain a unique & doable plan of action.

Shoot me a message at:  coachellielane@gmail.com, we'll schedule a brief chat to see if this group is a good fit for you.

For more information visit: ellielanecoaching.com/programs
Program cost is $395.  20% savings for newsletter fans, referrals from clients.  

Please forward this newsletter to others if it was useful for you. I will also post these newsletters on my website at https://www.ellielanecoaching.com/news

My giveaway: If you or someone you know is stuck, personally or professionally, contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Strong Boundaries ARE Compassionate

People pleaser alert: 

Clear and firm boundaries are not selfish. Not mean. Not bitchy. 

They are an expression of compassion towards yourself and others.

Knowing what is ok and not ok for you in terms of how you are treated and how you treat yourself is a very clear way to build self-confidence.  

Why? 

Because acting in accordance with your true values builds self-confidence. 

Because treating yourself well builds a sense of, I matter, and that builds self-confidence. 

Because it is much easier to feel confident when we are not exhausted from over-giving. 

Setting clear and firm boundaries also communicates, I respect myself and my time, and you should too.

I was working with a client last year who had taken on a new, high-powered job while running her own business. 

She worked with me on setting boundaries from the start so that she didn’t soon find herself overwhelmed working 100 hours a week.

This can be hard, depending on your work culture and the lessons you learned in childhood.  

When you know your value (write yourself a list of ALL the experience, trainings, knowledge you bring to your work), it’s easier to be clear with a boss about what you are willing to do.

Clear and firm boundaries also give you freedom! 

If you are willing to work endlessly, over time, you obviously lose other parts of your life. 

If you are always available when certain people want you, over time, you lose your energy.

When you feel overly responsible for the feelings of others too much of the time, becoming tired or resentful, you might lose the essence of your loving soul.

By the way, if you are a mom, by role modeling this way of being for your girls and boys, you are demonstrating what respect, love, taking charge of your life, confidence and freedom looks like. 

I feel so strongly about the concept of healthy boundaries for women, that I created a group.

Building Boundaries for Work & Life

Our next 4 session group begins Wed. May 12th 5-6:30 EST on Zoom. 

  • Learn the 3 reasons it can be hard to set boundaries 

  • Create and maintain space for yourself 

  • Lose the guilt

  • Communicate what you want clearly 

  • Set new parameters for when/how you give of yourself that is in alignment for YOU

  • Build new beliefs around the concept of selfishness

  • Effectively handle push back from people in your life

  • Take new weekly steps, putting boundaries in place

  • Enjoy weekly support on your goals

Please contact me at coachellielane@gmail.com to schedule a brief chat to see if this group is a good fit for you.

For more information visit: ellielanecoaching.com/programs

Please forward this newsletter to others if it was useful for you. I will also post these newsletters on my website at https://www.ellielanecoaching.com/news

Curious about coaching or know someone who may be interested? Contact me for a complimentary strategy session: