I’m drawn to write about resilience because so many of us need it now more than ever. Recent abuses of power add to all that’s happening in the world, testing us to remain hopeful and resilient.
What does it take to be resilient, especially under extreme pressure?
While some people naturally have higher stress tolerance or optimism, neuroscience tells us resilience can be built.
Neuroplasticity, the brain's malleability, means we can strengthen this muscle.
Getting back to the basics matters:
Feeling loved. Loving others. Being connected. Finding purpose.
But even these foundational elements aren't accessible to everyone.
And professional growth work is not always what someone needs.
If you or someone you know is deeply struggling, seek professional help from a licensed mental health professional.
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Three part framework
Beyond the foundational elements mentioned above, resilience is a 3 legged mechanism.
The three legs are thought, feeling, and physiology. If you manage all three well, you’ll increase stability, build your capacity to focus, and bring the energy you want to your work.
1. Thoughts
We have tens of thousands of thoughts a day. You can’t expect yourself to control what enters your mind. The trick is managing the direction of thoughts. We get to choose, over and over, where we focus. And it does require repeated choosing... that is the mental skill. No one “gets” this perfectly or is good at it simply by doing it a few times or reading about it.
What you focus on grows is a useful phrase that I return to again and again.
Experiment by catching your own thinking:
What meaning am I making of a situation?
What thought train am I travelling on?
Is that really true? This one is ideal for challenging the never-ending stories created by our minds that seem true, but are only thoughts.
2. Feelings
Awareness of feelings, as with thoughts, allows you to respond effectively to them. Labeling feelings as "good" or "bad" doesn't help.
Often, clients have a fear that if they identify a difficult feeling, it makes it more real, and may overwhelm them. Layer on the common belief that having strong "negative" feelings is a weakness, and we have a recipe for low awareness or avoidance.
What is actually true about feelings is that naming them honestly, not suppressing or attaching to them, allows them to move through us more freely and quickly, decreasing their power.
Experiment:
Notice and name a feeling, without judgement or labeling. Instead, use curiosity to create a little distance between you and the feeling.
Notice how this feels different from pushing a feeling down or beating yourself up for having the feeling.
3. Physiology
Many of us live in our thoughts, carting around our heads as if our bodies are detached from our brains.
You already know that physical sensations can serve as key signals to your brain. I can't emphasize enough the importance of learning to listen to the body's signals.
Have you had an experience when a feeling of love, awe, or joy washed over you? How about a strong knowing, in your gut?
These are sensations in the body, and they hold information for us.
Experiment:
When preparing for a tough call or meeting, tune into your body.
What do you notice and where?
Telling yourself to "just relax!" doesn't work all that well, as you may have noticed. If it were that easy, we would all be relaxed.
Instead, using your major muscles, increasing your heart rate, or taking deep breaths (4count inhale - 8count exhale) are the most efficient ways to use physiology to increase resilience.
In Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors talk about these strategies for, as they call it, completing the stress cycle.
The good news is, you can accomplish the above in 5 minutes.
Mental Fitness takes practice. Please don't confuse this with spending tons of time thinking about yourself. I don't recommend that!
Be an investigator. Notice your thoughts, feelings and body. Even the skill of simply observing will build resilience.
If you want to step it up, do a two week journal with your observations.
We spend a ton of time training for our jobs and often for our physical fitness, why not for our mental fitness?
By doing these exercises, you improve self-management and build resilience.
Have fun and keep growing,
Ellie