How do you feel when you hear "no" from a potential client, customer, or boss?
Do you personalize it, and make it mean something about your worthiness?
We care about what others think of us, and it's easy to look outside ourselves for validation, and hearing "yes" can be just that.
The challenge with personalizing is when we worry a lot, we become very stuck in self critical thought, or lose momentum on what's important to us.
What if you were to choose a new belief, that no simply means next opportunity? How would you feel then?
What could the next opportunity be for you?
If you're in sales, remember there are millions of other customers out there, then go ahead with the next call or contact.
If you run a business, remember there are loads of other potential clients, then shift to making an offer to someone who does want your service.
If you're looking for a raise, a no might be no for right now. There will be another opportunity to ask. Or, is there a chance to embark on more learning to increase your capabilities? Does no mean it's time to move on?
This may sound like a whole bunch of optimism, and maybe it's partly that.
De-personalizing is much more than simply being positive. It's an incredible resiliency skill and many successful and happy ( at work or in relationships ) people embrace it. In fact, worrying ( distinct from caring, which is unavoidable unless you're a sociopath or narcissist ) about what others' think of us, or over-personalizing, is one of the biggest obstacles to feeling good.
Have you gotten a no recently when you wanted a yes? Take a breath, consider looking through a new lens, and have a look at where you can see an opportunity.