It's a topic for the holidays, isn't it?
At least 80% of my clients bring up difficult conversations at any given time. Although most people don't identify this topic as a top reason for hiring me, it is simply so common.
By the way, AI is nagging ( helping ) me as I write - I will resist it here as much as I can, so you won't see perfectly polished emails. To me, we lack connection in a BIG way these days, and when I read a newsletter I know a person didn't write, I feel even more disconnected. I'm betting I'm not the only one.
Most of the time, people I talk to have a sense of why certain conversations feel hard. It's some version of, I don't want to deal with someone's reactions, or, I don't like confrontation.
I help clients work through what, specifically, they want to say.
They practice shifting old beliefs that being clear and direct is automatically confrontational and therefore, hard.
Clients then practice new beliefs: Being clear and upfront is honest, thoughtful, and in service to the other person.
We practice what to say. Of course, it varies depending on the giver and the receiver, so I'm not giving you the answer.
Let's say someone you lead is underperforming. What are your choices? Avoid it, and become increasingly frustrated, drop hints and hope they get it, tell them they stink, fire them suddenly, or...
1. Tell them you want to talk about something that isn't working well. Ask them if they are open to a conversation, creating psychological safety, which is extremely important for both of you.
2. Say that you've noticed xyz behavior and say when it occurred. Give them space to share. Listen. Maybe they are unaware, have stress at home, or give you a list of excuses. You may not feel like you care that much or have the time, but it'll be helpful to know this person a little better, and they will feel heard.
3. Speak to shared meaning or goals. " As a team, we want..." Allow space for them to comment.
4. Now it's time for your bold kindness. It IS kind even if you feel uncomfortable.
You can have difficult conversations without agreements, but the desired outcome is much more likely with them.
Will you do your absolute best to hit (specific) number next month? We'll circle back together at the end of the month.
Will you accept the changes (name them) to how our team works?
Will you speak up right away if you disagree with something important the team is doing?
Will you refrain from personally attacking so-and-so in the meeting?
Don't leave your hard work up to chance -- Schedule a time together to follow up and talk about how it's going.
I suggest writing this out and practicing out loud - if it's important to you, it's worth a bit of time.
If you have New Year's resolutions on your mind, head over to my LinkedIn post for a highly effective framework: here