Slowing down and taking a break from work can often lead to feelings of guilt for many of us, especially when also juggling the challenges of balancing home and work time.
Don't let anyone tell you it's not a challenge, because moms know the feeling of guilt, perhaps, more than anyone.
Back in the day, for people with one job, the formula for a structured week was much simpler: work 9-5ish, have evenings free, and Sundays off. Saturdays were mostly for play or chores. These days, it is so easy to blur boundaries.
Responsibilities abound and technology intrudes. This potential to work 7 days a week and be overloaded by information leads to an even greater need for simply and easefully leading ourselves and others.
I was in a coaching session recently with a client who has always worked very hard, and is a leader in her field. She entered our coaching engagement eager to let go of overwhelm, increase confidence at work, and fully embrace the leader she aspires to be. One of the barriers has been guilt associated with taking breaks, and making time for joyful activities.
She was ready to feel lighter, to let go of the weight of guilt, and shift from guilt to grace.
By reflecting on your past, you can recognize the profound beliefs that were shaped early in your life through the influence of adult role models, sibling order, family values, and peer pressure. Nothing new, right?
The question is, what's the cost now of continuing to carry some of these beliefs, such as the same old guilty thoughts or feelings of not doing enough?
For me, and many of my clients, it's a losing game... the one where we wonder if we are doing enough at work or at home. The more we wonder, the more tales we weave, and the less we feel like it's enough. Let's not play that game. Instead, let's be clear that we don't want, need, or deserve the weight of guilt.
Clients share just a few of the costs of carrying guilt. Do any resonate with you?
~ Being overwhelmed much of the time
~ Feeling like they can never do enough
~ Being drained
~ Missing nutrition and exercise
~ Feeling little happiness
Letting go of a belief, my friends, starts with a conscious decision. We must then embrace the work and commit to our reps if we want to feel our best. The reps are your new thoughts and new actions.
When I coach clients who are making this shift, it takes a bit of time. Hint: grace is helpful here, too. It takes time because unless someone is truly at burnout, resistance comes along for the ride in the form of discomfort with uncertainty, and well, old habits die hard... so do the habits of old thought patterns.
Will you shift from guilt to grace? Use these questions to make your decision:
~ What is the cost of working X# of hours?
~ How long am I willing to feel this way?
~ When I say no to X, what am I saying yes to?
~ What am I willing to truly make a priority over pleasing someone else?
~ What is working and what is not working in my schedule?
~ What am I waiting for?
If you decide the cost is too high to continue carrying the load of guilt, implement small tangible changes in your thoughts and actions -- talk to yourself differently, lean on supports, and be persistent. One small shift you are committed to is all you need to start - Small shifts compound - Putting it in your calendar, and creating reminders are crucial until a habit is formed.