This is a tough one.
You want to be liked at work.
We all do. We are wired for belonging.
You know that feeling when it's gone too far, though, and your desire for approval outweighs your capacity to be a respected, no-nonsense, impactful professional?
" I don't want to offend them."
" He is very outspoken in meetings. It's not worth upsetting him."
" I don't want to sound rude and say no."
" She's super sensitive... I have to find the perfect time to talk."
These are comments by people who, at one point, were stuck - the worry about upsetting someone became more important than their own opinion or the actual agenda.
The unconscious accommodator can easily run the show until we see how it doesn't serve us - and usually others - personally or professionally.
Learning to master the pleaser within you is extraordinarily freeing, empowering, and useful at work when you want more influence, impact, or you simply want to do things differently.
If you are saying to yourself, but Ellie, how can I not care what others think? Let's be clear - that is not the goal. The goal here is not to be consumed or overcome by caring what others think—big difference.
If this sounds like you, and you'd like to master the art of being a professional, not a pleaser, start here:
Gain self-awareness by investigating.
Notice where and how it shows up at work.
Jot down notes for a week on various interactions to gain clarity on when you are letting your pleaser part take control, and what specifically you are worried about.
Remember, this is data collection, not harsh judgment.
Next, write out and rehearse what you would like to say as an empathic, direct, and respectful professional.
You guessed it, practice is the name of the game. Desensitize yourself to the discomfort through practice.